Dr. Lindsay Gibson's, The Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. I will say that it can be a tough read if you don't really want to dig into your family dynamics, but it help validate a lot of the thoughts and emotions that you adapted based on how you were raised.
Also, keep a small promise to yourself that you will do everyday.
Start to observe your thoughts. When we don't observe our thoughts, our thoughts are in the driver's seat. Our thoughts are the ones that influence how we feel and our actions. For me, that was journaling, just doing a big brain dump of my thoughts and then looking at them and highlighting and being like, “wait a minute, where did this come from?” “where did I learn this?.” Then, if there are any thoughts that you don’t want to believe anymore, what do you want to believe instead? How can you practice that every day.
I think the favorite part is getting messages or voice notes, where they tell me about a situation and how they handled it, or what they said or what they caught themselves doing. And I'm like, that's the work right there.
It took me so long to get to this place. I feel like a part of me, I lost my 20s because I didn't do this work then. So a lot of my clients, including you are all under 30 and I always tell you “you're so okay, you have so much time.” And I always look back with a little bit of sadness like, damn, I'm sorry, you know, I feel sorry for the version of me that was in her 20s. I didn't even begin this journey until 31 and I'm going to be 41 at the end of this month. Part of me is like, I don't get to get those years back, but I find solace in that. The fact that because I don't get to have those years that I get to pour my like actual life experience into my clients.
When I think about the work that I do, it's like, there is almost two paths. And I see each of them as being equally impactful and meaningful.
One is that even just on its own, helping children of immigrants, daughters of immigrants, to understand and validate how their conditioning affected them.
Which then allows them to get to know themselves and explore their true identities in life but also business and using their voice and who they to build a sustainable practice so that they can create money. The thing is, is that for some, this is not accessible, not because they can't do it, but because their trauma comes up or their beliefs come up, and they think that they can't, or they try, and then it's not sustainable, because it's just too triggering.
And not to say that it's not that it's bad if you don't stay in entrepreneurship, but I think that we, if we just remove the expectations of what we think it's supposed to look like, or thinking that there's something wrong with us, because it's hard or because we doubt ourselves, I think more of us would at least keep it as something that we do on the side, you know, that we could use our voice and so we could have a path to create our money.
If you enjoyed getting to know Mariela and would like to know more about her and the work that she does, I ecourage you to follow her on instagram! Whether you are in your healing journey or not -- I guarantee you, you will get something out of simply having her in your space.
So when I had my first boyfriend at 18 (because I was trying to be a “good girl”) I stayed with him for 13 years and we got an apartment together. And what's funny is like, at the time, I just wanted to get out of my house. Like my goal was get out of your mom's house. But that was seen as very shameful back then, like, “Oh my God, you're living with your boyfriend. You’re not married and having sex.” So, I guess I kind of threw myself into being the black sheep for a few years and had to become okay with that. Even though during that time I achieved a lot.
I was the perfect example of ticking all the items off the “grocery list.” Like when you're young and you think “okay, I'm going to get good grades, I’m going to go to college, I'm going to get married, I'm going to buy the house, I'm going to have kids, I'm gonna make six figures.” Like I literally told myself, by the time I'm 30, I want to do all these things and I did.
but there was something that happened when I turned 31, almost ten years ago. I saw messages from a girl. There was always cheating going on in that relationship. But I felt like because I argued with him that I was standing up for myself, but really, he was controlling. And I just associated control with love, because that's what it meant when I was a child. So I was like, well, we just fight, it’s what we do. He tells me what I can and can't do, doesn’t treat me well, but that's just what we do.
I think I had just been focusing on my health and I lost weight, and I was taking care of my body and I saw myself differently. So when I saw that message, messages similar to the ones I have seen time and time again over the last 13 years. Something clicked. Almost like I was a different person. And I literally moved out that day, moved back into my mom's house. I told him I wanted a divorce. Um, and we did, we got divorced.
And for the last 10 years, I’ve been reclaiming my life, awakening, and healing. Becoming the person that I really feel like I would have become if I had been able to explore my identity at a younger age and not in my 30s.
I think when I became when I became a single mom, I really started to question not just what I was doing to make money but who was I being, who was I becoming? and not just for myself, but for her. This just kind of led me down this whole self discovery and healing journey so that I could be aware of any patterns that I might have from when I growing up, because I didn’t want to pass them on to her.
I also just wanted more than just my corporate job where I was helping other people make [money. It](http://money.It) just didn't feel like that was it for me. So that's what brought me into coaching and why I ended up kind of blending the healing and life coaching profession with business, because that is really what I feel like we need, we're not just one or the other, like we bring our humanity into our business.
I am a life and business coach, I specialize in supporting children of immigrants, in unlearning kind of first gen mindset and conditioning that's holding them back in their lives and businesses so that they can step into the thought leaders that they really are.
it's been my life's work in the sense that this is all I had to do to even exist outside of like, systems that are always fighting against us.
Today, I am sharing my best kept secret with the world (or all three of you who read my blog).
For the last four months I was working with a life and business coach on all things .... life and business. I first approached her in search of some accountability and help with marketing myself and came out on the end with the ability to fully embrace who I am.
Mariela De La Mora is a Life & Business Coach for children of immigrants and First Gens. She spent 15 years in marketing and a lifetime learning how to heal from generational wounds.
"You can be successful on paper, get all the good grades, do all the "right things," you can get the (perfect) job and still feel like you're living somebody else's life."
We interview Mariela De La Mora, Life & Business Coach for daughters of immigrants and first gen who are working towards unlearning conditioning that's holding them back from stepping into the thought leaders they really are.
There are three elements that we look at when assessing whether a brand is a “Good Human-Centered Brand.” Is it packed with personality, does their values serve as a decision making guide, and is the business as a whole driven by impact. In this first edition of Good Brand Making Bold Moves we dissect the brand Alltrue.